The reality of infertility.

Infertility. why?

I have always wanted to be a mom, from a young age I can remember dreaming of the family I would be able to care for when I grow up, just like my mom. I’m sure I think of motherhood with rose colored glasses, every season of life has challenges. But this is something I still deeply desire.

I never thought I would deal with infertility, I have always been careful to be healthy and eat a relatively healthy diet. I thought infertility would not find me because I took care of myself, and my husband, we were both healthy. (or so I thought I was)

why infertility? we believe in a good God, and the Bible says that children are a blessing. So, what were we doing wrong to keep us from this blessing? were there sins in our past that God was punishing us for? Why would he allow us to deal with this when he is sovereign? he has the power to change our situation.

Some parts of life because very painful, infertility is a private struggle (because you feel like a failure, and who wants to share that?) Its hard to see friends and family starting their family and you seem stuck in the past. Lighthearted comments about us practicing with children stung, and took me to the point of not wanted to hold or interact with other children, because I was afraid of what someone might say. it would be to painful. Connecting with my niece and nephews was sweet, but my heart grew sadder as time went on and mourning the time they could have cousins their age.

infertility is a grief, but not in the typical sense. When we loose a loved one we have the finality of saying goodbye, with infertility we do not have a future date that we can look at with hope, rather its month after month of disappointing loss of a dream. When we loose a loved one, we can look back and treasure the moments that we had with them, with infertility our empty arms are what we have to show for the grief we deal with.

so, this is all very disheartening, but take heart, read this Psalms

Psalm 139 1 You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. 5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you. 19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! 20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? 22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God made me, and I am wonderfully made. Rather then focusing of what I could not have, I choose to focus on the God that loves me and created me for relationship with him. The Psalms also ask God to search us, and to know our anxious thoughts. Is there more to be said? The Lord can handle our anxious thoughts, and he replaces them with a peace that surpasses all understanding. Peace, he will give it to you if you surrender your worries and thoughts.

So, are you dealing with infertility? I challenge to treasure this time, you have the freedom to do things that you will not be able to when you have a family. So, go on last minute vacation, make some physical challenge goals (for me it was to run a 5k, others may think this is an easy feat) treasure the sleeping in and quiet times with your spouse, focus on having fun with your spouse! infertility is stressful on a relationship, so making intentional times to invest in your relationship will be of great value, now and in the future. And most importantly take the time to dwell in the Word. The Bible is living and can speak to you when you are struggling.

If your not dealing with infertility, and know a couple that have no children, be kind. If your close enough, you can ask so that you can support them. But most times, don’t assume anything or joke around about kids, you never know what they might be struggling with. If you want to ask and your not close enough with them, pray for them, prayer is powerful, and we don’t need to know everything to pray for a situation.